good evening! here’s my story po

After a wk of being nauseous and delayed, i decided to take a PT. Habang naghihintay, i was hoping na maging negative yung result, even tho deep down, may kutob na akong buntis nga ako. Pagkakita ko sa two red lines, di ko napigilang umiyak. i felt so guilty for being an irresponsible teen na hindi nag-ingat and didn’t do anything to have safe sex.

Hindi pa kami ready ng partner ko to face this situation kasi pareho naming alam na hindi pa namin kayang bigyan ng magandang future yung baby lalo na’t nasa college pa lang kami at malapit nang grumaduate. May friend kami na nagpa-abort before and naging successful naman, kaya sa kanila kami lumapit for help.

Nung dumating yung meds, may kutob na agad ako na na-scam kami kasi hubad lang yung “mife” and nakalagay lang sa envelope. Nagresearch ako kung ano talaga itsura ng mifepristone and doon ko nalaman na totoo ngang na-scam kami.

Ilang araw kong pinag-isipan kung itutuloy ko pa ba yung pag-take ng meds na binigay nila kasi feeling ko magffail lang din naman since fake yung nakuha namin. Pero naisip ko rin kasi yung money na nagastos. Sabi ko sa partner ko, kung magfail kami, sa project486 na kami lalapit since convinced akong legit sila based on their blog na ilang araw kong binasa.

Fast forward — we failed on our first attempt kaya andito na kami ngayon. Day 1 & 2 felt normal kasi hindi naman ako dinugo at wala rin akong naramdamang side effects. Day 3 was the hardest part cause i pooped a lot in my diaper kaya sobrang kalat plus nakaka-ngalay yung position ko for 8 hrs. Around 3 am, nakita ko na yung POC. i was shocked and terrified. Ilang minutes din bago ko siya tinignan kasi na-freeze lang talaga ako at that moment. Nung sinabi ni Doc John na kailangan kong buksan, mas lalo akong natakot at nanghina.

When i finally gained the courage to open it, i wanted to cry but no tears came out. i felt really bad for our baby, kasi this isn’t the right time to give it the life na deserve niya. This was the only way para hindi na rin siya mahirapan in the future because of us. It’s painful, but we know this is better than giving it a fucked up life.

To project486 — thank u so much for guiding me and being there for me throughout the whole procedure. Sana mas marami pa kayong matulungan na katulad namin na hindi pa ready magbigay ng buhay.

And para sa mga makakabasa nito, please don’t hesitate to reach out to them. They’re willing to help u out. Do it hangga’t maaga pa