Last year, in 2024, I went through one of the hardest decisions of my life. I had an abortion because of an unexpected pregnancy with my boyfriend. At that time, we were both unprepared, emotionally and financially, to take on the responsibility of raising a child. The choice was painful, but we knew it was something we had to do for the sake of our future and for the child who deserved a better life than what we could offer then.
The recovery process was not easy. It took me several months to heal, both physically and emotionally. My body went through changes, and my heart carried the weight of guilt, sadness, and confusion. Even though time passed, I realized I had not completely healed. The memory of that experience stayed with me, and I thought it would take a long while before I could move forward. But life has its own way of testing us. By June 2025, before we were even fully recovered, I found myself pregnant for the second time.
When my boyfriend and I saw the positive result on the pregnancy test, our reaction was different from the first time. We were not as shocked or overwhelmed as before. Somehow, we felt calmer because we thought we already knew what to do. We remembered our first experience with Project 486, the same site that helped us safely and successfully terminate the first pregnancy. Having gone through it once gave us a sense of reassurance that, should we decide the same path, there was already a solution within our reach.
As weeks went by, however, we allowed ourselves to enjoy the feeling of expecting a child. We would talk about what it might be like, and for a brief moment, we entertained the thought of holding on to the pregnancy. We didn’t notice how quickly time passed until we realized that it had already been three months. That realization brought us back to reality. With heavy hearts, we knew we had to make the decision once again.
We reached out to Project 486, and they were kind enough to accommodate us once more. Despite being a returning patient, they still offered us a discount, which eased some of the financial burden. They also patiently guided us through the procedure again, reminding us step by step of what to expect. Their support gave us comfort during such a difficult time.
Even though we had been through this before, the decision was not any easier. The thought of having to end another pregnancy weighed heavily on us. But deep down, we knew that we were still not ready. We could not provide the stability, security, and life that a child deserves. Carrying the pregnancy to term without the proper means to care for it would only lead to more pain in the long run not only for us, but especially for the child.
This choice comes with sadness, but also with hope. Sadness, because we had to let go of something that could have been. Hope, because we believe we are making the responsible decision for now, so that in the future, when we are truly ready, we can welcome a child into a life filled with love, stability, and opportunity.