Abortion Pills in Pasay City

Hello, to whoever may read this in the future, if you’re maybe in the same situation as me. Please know that there is a way out. I wanted to tell my story, not to prove my innocence nor to convince but to tell it in my perspective as to what things I’ve done and why I’ve done it.

Me and my boyfriend at that time broke up, I found out he cheated on me. But I forgave him, I never did that before. Maybe something inside me tells me to hold on. The situation was pretty messy tbh, it carved my bone. He was already out there finding pleasure outside, partying while I was losing appetite and throwing my lungs out, I can’t even eat. All I feel is remorse, pain in my heart, and betrayal all at once.

We were both attending different universities in Manila, I was ahead of him. I found out I was pregnant a month after the break up. I just told my friend that I felt like my boobs were getting bigger and I was delayed for 2 weeks. Thought it was just fine because I was dealing with heartbreak and that I was stressed so I nonchalantly told her. She convinced me to buy a pregnancy test, tried it and the double line showed up.

I didn’t feel anything when I saw that, as if I’m numb. But, I knew I was going to be a good mother regardless of the situation. But I was faced with my fear; I grew up without a father so I knew what it’s like to long. I was hesitant to tell my ex but I gained courage to tell him. Well, what he said broke my heart, cause how could you willingly sacrifice your own blood over ego. I believe a child is never a limitation, it was just a pause from God to measure strength and capabilities. I am not a church person but I believe in religion and its practices.

I was devastated but accepted it; cause I knew, I too alone wasn’t capable enough to raise it. My principle overrides me, that if I ever birth a child it should not experience things that I experienced. I was selfish for not continuing its life and putting its life to my hand but it was for the good of all.

I knew I wasn’t gonna change his mind because when I told him about it, he immediately searched for a drug that would eliminate the child. Which is the mifepristone and misoprostol. I told him it was illegal to acquire. Cut to the chase, It took me several weeks to search for a trusted supplier of it. I knew facebook wasn’t a good deal, Baclaran and herbal shit wasn’t my thing, I searched Reddit, people talk about WoW and WhW, so I gathered information about it.

I saw on the internet a comment regarding Project 486 that is locally sourced. I was hesitant so I searched. It took me weeks to decide if I should buy it locally or internationally. I knew time was ticking, and I knew the sooner the better, I thought I was just more or less than 2 months because I do the math.

I started to contact Project 486, they told me too I was 2 months old based on the last time I had sex and my monthly cycle. It was a really long hesitation to trust them but I gamble since they are my only hope and I loved that they equipped patients with knowledge first. I bought the medicine thought I was scammed at first cause it was in a container with several medicines and pasta but then I looked at the bottom and there it was all of my medicine.

Before I took the pill I made sure that I bought all the things from the lists that were given to me. I was so scared since I did the procedure alone, it was the most traumatic experience of my life. On day 3 I was in such immeasurable pain that I asked Dr. JJ for the pain killer even though it was not the time yet. I watched my child’s head slowly go down over time. It was 12 midnight when it went down, at first there’s nothing when I went to check it. But then, I felt something was going out inside of me; and there it was my baby. I was shocked kasi it had a face, limbs, complete fingers, a nose, an ear, everything. I asked why it was big and what months it was, it turns out it was already in 20 weeks.

 

So I was conceiving it before me and my ex broke up. I didn’t know I was 5 months, because I didn’t have any symptoms at first and my monthly cycle was continuing pa. I think the trigger was when we broke up because I wasn’t eating at all, anxious, stressed, and such so maybe. If you’re wondering why I didn’t know physically it is because It wasn’t noticeable at all. I looked like I just ate 3 meals, no bump. So if we looked back 3 months na pala talaga ako non when I told my ex, I just thought I was just weeks. Maybe if I knew that I was 5 months old, maybe I would fight for its life. Maybe the outcome will change?

But I was still young eh, 21 years old, and I am in my fourth year of college. I felt like I was near na. I aborted my child while I was dealing with my internship. I did the procedure on the weekends, my day 3 was Monday, I took a day off from my internship. Then on Tuesday I forced myself pumasok kahit I was healing. It was so devastating because no one knew I was pregnant, not even my own mother, only 1 of my friends knew, I completely shut myself off from the world, they didn’t know that I was pregnant, that I aborted a child, or that I was devastated. Maybe because I wouldn’t be that kind of a person that would get pregnant early because they view me as someone who could do better in life.

Before I bought the pill, this is when I knew I was pregnant na; I started praying to God, started going to the church, I prayed for God to take my baby because I wasn’t capable enough, it was ironic, I know. I made a promise to help or volunteer for the children in the future. I made a promise to make my life better so when my baby comes to me again I am ready. I gave the body of my baby to my ex. I hope his father buries it and takes good care of it because when I was pregnant I couldn’t be able to take care of both of us. So, maybe, MAYBE with him that it is well taken care of.

I already accepted the faith of my baby inside my belly, it was planned that I will choose this path. Yet after the abortion, I felt like my boobs were getting cramps. So I searched, even though it was planned, my brain still thinks that I have given birth. For me it was said because my body thinks my baby is born and wants to feed it.

I was in deep regret after I’d done it, I cried in the bathroom cubicle, and every time I see a child I think of what it could have been. I prayed to God, if my baby wants to say anything to me, if it’s mad, or wants to say something in general just say it to my dream. It’s been a month and there’s no sign of that. I’m a sensitive person, when I was a kid I always had a nightmare but I didn’t have any of that after all. Maybe my baby is really at peace somewhere.

It has been a month and I feel fine na, I bled for one straight week after the procedure.

To my dearest baby, thank you for being so strong inside of me and staying for such a short period of time. I knew I chose a life without you and have taken another path but you will always be remembered. You will always be my first baby, guide me and your father even though we’re apart. You are our first angel. If I ever graduate, anak, that is for you.