I Did Not Do It Because I’m Careless or Selfish

I found out I was pregnant at 15 weeks. At first, I thought my period was just delayed due to im stress. My days were exhausting, I worked at McDo from 6 PM to 12 AM, then went straight to the hospital to care of my paralyzed grandma, and afterward go to school. I never thought of getting pregnant. Because of my everyday routine, my boyfriend and I had been together for four years, but we didn’t live together we just see each other everyday because we’re just neighbors. remembering my last period was on July 23, and in mid August, on my boyfriend’s birthday, I expecting my period but it never came. I kept hesitating to take a pregnancy test, thinking it was just stress affecting my cycle. months goes by my grandma passed away, that I fully realized how hopeless I am. She was the only one who had truly raised me, because i had broken family since i was 5. Soon after, my aunt kicked me out their house. I was homeless, exhausted, and feeling so down and depressed at the same time. I dont know what to do where to go that i almost end my life, i didn’t go to my boyfriend’s house since he was just living at his uncles house too, When I finally felt movement in my belly it was around December, I didn’t hesitate to take a pregnancy test because i have no thoughts that im pregnant since im not experiencing nausea sensitive in smell or taste just nothing even a little to make me wonder nothing at all that it came 15weeks and my pt result was positive. I was devastated. I wasn’t ready emotionally, physically nor financially. I feared I couldn’t give my baby the care it deserved so i talk to my boyfriend about it and he had nothing to do with my decision so he just go on with my decision, I tried to end my pregnancy not because of im desperate to end it but because of my situation, as i try to end it at my first attempt after the procedure i thought i failed but i was scammed because the meds i got online was fake i was already hopeless after my first attempt. I considered keeping my baby, thinking maybe it was meant for me, but I worried about the risks potential abnormalities due to lack of prenatal care and vitamins during the early months. Eventually, I found a legit provider from project486 who guided me carefully he will educate you about everything before proceeding to the final procedure, he never forced me to make a choice and it was Doc John he helped me through out my journey, i reached him out through sir Alex they are very approachable. The process was long and painful. At one point, I even felt so overwhelmed that I thought about ending my own life to escape the pain I’m feeling but after 12hours of sacrificing, my pregnancy ended by the help of Doc John through out my journey he didn’t left me after all. I felt so guilty and sorry for my baby because i really dont want this to happen but i have no choice but to do it. My boyfriend and I buried our baby at their backyard. We never knew the gender. Since then, I have felt changed becoming a mother, even briefly, has forever altered my perspective. I still wonder what life could have been like if my baby had lived, but I know I made the only choice I could in my situation. Thank you to Doc John, Sir Alex, and Project486 for guiding me, educating me, and not abandoning me when I felt completely alone.