July 8, 2017
Shiena A., 20, student
Oriental Mindoro, Philippines
—-
Sometimes you just got to take that one hell of a step and risk it all.” First of all I wanna say sorry to God, to my family, my boyfriend, and to my baby. I’m sorry for being selfish, coward, irresponsible and stupid. No reason is acceptable to do that kind of thing but i hope you can still forgive me. I am really sorry.
When I found out that I’m pregnant, hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. Halo halong emosyon ang naramdaman ko. Hindi ko maintindihan, kung bakit ngayon pa? Ngayon na agad? Nahirapan ako ng sobra sa pagdededisyon, at yung desisyon ko na yun, yun na ata ang papatay sakin sa lungkot. Malalaman mo lang talaga kung gano kahirap kung ikaw na ang nasa sitwasyon na yon. Marami akong naging dahilan para mging ganun ang desisyon ko pero tulad nga ng sinabi ko, walang valid reason para gawin ang bagay na yun. I tried to search for home remedies and meds to induce miscarriage but it failed.
I was so fvcking desperate that time until I found project 486. I read reflections of women about abortion with the help of project 486. So i emailed them, and fortunately nagreply si sir alex, i followed the instructions they gave to me hanggang sa makuha ko na yung meds at nagstart sa procedure. I wanna thank sir alex and sir john who guided me all throughout the procedure.
Hindi naging madali ang procedure para sakin, pero salamat sa project 486 at sa bestfriend ko na hindi ako iniwan dahil sila lang ang nakakaalam ng tungkol don. Oo masakit yung pinagdaanan ko sa procedure and yes it was successful pero mas masakit pala nung nawala na ng tuluyan yung baby ko. Araw araw, oras oras, minu minuto ko syang naiisip. Ang hirap.I am ashamed of myself at pakiramdam ko napakasama ko.
Baby, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for everything. I know it may be impossible but can you please come back to me when everything’s fine. I love you so much but I’m sorry. I love you more than you’ll ever know.
To project 486, thank you for your team. It was a great and big help.
To my bestfriend, thank you for everything.
G. & baby I’m really sorry for doing this.