August 14, 2017

Arriane, 31, Businesswoman

Binondo, Manila

 

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Reflection:

I was caught in the whirlwind romance, an unexpected guy came to my life, we decided to make a baby but our relationship was tested and I he wanted to end it. He called me one time saying I should get myself checked and confirmed; I have gonorrhea. He told me I got him infected, that I was unfaithful to him when he went to China and he said he doesn’t deserve it so he left me. I got myself treated for a week with shots and oral antibiotics and I am broken and wondering if it was really from me. A week have passed, I have learned from a friend that he is the one who is sick, and got me infected. I told him that then he blocked me.

Guilty perhaps. I was relieved by the fact that I was clean all this time. I went clubbing, I was happy, I don’t care if I see him. But then still something is bothering me: my period hasn’t arrived yet. Exactly August 10, 2017 (Thursday), I had PT, and a faded pink line showed up together with a clear line. I bought 2 different brands again and I got 1 another positive (faded line) result and 1 negative result. I knew it, I am pregnant, 5 weeks and 3 days to be exact.

That explains me being emotional and my cravings and bigger appetite. I was in total shocked. I do not want my family to know, I do not want them to put in shame again because of me 11 years back, when I got pregnant with my boyfriend and left me. My mom would love grandkids for sure, but I am not ready to be single mom again. It’s a total lifestyle change, and I can’t do it alone. I contacted my friend and told her, I do not want this baby. I checked again the other PT that resulted negatively and now it is positive. I checked online for ways of abortion as safest as possible. I saw a blog about herbal abortion. I immediately bought the things needed: Dong Quai 1000mg capsules (2 bottles), parsley from Supermarket and Coffee Press for Parsley Tea Infusion. I religiously followed how it should be done: Parsley Vaginal Inserts every 6-8 hours for 3 days straight, Parsley Tea every hour combined with Vit C (increasing dosage everyday) until August 16, 2017.

I did message Project486 the same day I figured out I was pregnant (the girl who posted about Herbal Abortion posted it as an alternative or Plan B in case Herbal Abortion failed). I only cooperated with them consistently August 14, 2017 (Monday) when I felt like I will fail Herbal Abortion. Sir John was very accomodating when we had phone consultation and he said that I am an Average Patient: meaning there’s a greater chance I would be successful in Medical Abortion. He even accomodated every concern and even made the schedule that suits my work schedule issues.

I paid for my meds and started Thursday (August 17, 2017), same day I picked up my meds. Started Diet 12mn-4pm, Fasting 4pm-4am, took Mife 10pm. Friday comes and I am being more emotional, diet 4am-2pm (should end 4pm but I lost appetite and feeling a bit dizzy). I tried to stay in bed after work as much as possible and read a lot and kept myself busy and happy. 8pm has approached, I got a reminder from Sir John. The scariest time of my life: putting miso vaginal insert. I followed it religiously, and I was even worried the first miso insert, I lost it while rubbing it, the second tab, I was able to track it, and successfully done it. All needed stuff is beside me: a bottle of water, electronic hot pillow, tissues and alcohol and the remaining miso tabs for buccal intake.

I haven’t slept and trying to hold on the increasing pain my back and lower abdomen feels that time, but more of I am worried I will fail. Sir John reminded me to take miso around 12mn, Saturday. Have to stay in bed still and swallow the miso after 1 1/2 hour. Still can’t sleep yet. I am going battery low, I wanted to stand up but Sir John advised me not to get up until 4am because I did the modified miso vaginal insert since I did it alone. 4am came and another dose of miso buccal. Swallowed after 1 1/2 hour. 6am I had my breakfast. I feel like I am having slight fever but tolerable. 11am came, I feel the need to use the bathroom, blood gushing and some POC’s came out. It was followed up

12:45pm. Exactly 1:12, Sir John confirmed that I am now officially NOT PREGNANT. I talked to my baby and told him that I might made him out of lust and a bit love but if only his father would be man enough to stand by us, and didn’t told me to leave him alone and didn’t think twice if it is his, I would have keep him. I cannot have another baby without a father, as I have a son turning 11 and he is my sole responsibility. My family would have been supportive if I continue this pregnancy but I choose to abort it for these reasons: I had higher dosages of antibiotics for my gonorrhea and it harms the baby already, high risk of miscarriage or he is not normal when I give birth to him (my ob gyne made clarifications for this as I worry that I might be pregnant by the time I am getting myself cured) and chances to push through another chance of having my own family, I want to have another baby to the future husband.

I immediately texted my friend and told the guy I have been talking to since then (he knows what I have been through all this time, he suggested also I do abortion) about the success of my abortion. I am now relieved. Nobody in my family knows what I have been through. I thank Project486 for being there since Day 1, I don’t feel like I am alone all this time. I will be forever grateful to them, to Sir Alex and Sir John. You helped me changed my life, and I owe it to them. To my 6 weeks, 5 days old baby, you will be forever in my heart. I am sorry. And I love you.

Sent from my iPhone