September 10, 2017
Izza, 23, Field Secretary
General Tinio, Nueva Ecija, Philippines
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“Take Hold of Your Future”
-“Take hold of your future or the future will take hold of you?”
That line is the last part of Sir Alex’s email. Nung una kong nareceive yung email that particular statement becomes a big question to me. Ano ba ang pipiliin ko? I will take hold of my future? or The future will take hold me?
Sa totoo lang sobrang mahal ko yung boyfriend ko. Actually gusto na nyang mag settle kami. He wants to marry me but I’m always rejecting him. Yes! The big problem is in me. Hindi pa ako ready to build my own family. Una, ang dami ko kasing priorities sa buhay. I’m the eldest child, dalawang college students ang pinag-aaral ko. Yung isa graduating but sadly she’s in trouble with her grades, according to her “years” daw ang extension nya and the other one is in his first year of college. Napakalaking responsibilidad kasi my father was still not recover from his stroke and si mama hindi din pwede mag work dahil highblood din. In short, I’m the breadwinner in our family. Ako lahat! Sa akin lahat! I have to be a superwoman para buhayin ang pamilya ko.
I have a stable job kaya nakakaya kong itaguyod ang pamilya ko but sadly I’m not happy with my job. Siguro isa yan sa mga dahilang nagtulak sa akin. Naaalala ko yung sinabi sa akin ng lola ko na “hindi lang sweldo or the money itself ang dapat i consider sa trabaho”…dati I disagree with her kasi I’m always thinking of big salary but I realize na totoo… Oo kahit stable at malaki ang sweldo ko, hindi naman ako masaya. I want change my carreer, yan ang totoo.
I want to get out of here. Siguro dahil sobra akong naiistress sa nature ng work ko at sa tantya ko sa sarili ko kahit kailan ay hindi ako makaka cope with sa ganung trabaho. I want to change my life, hindi ako kuntento kaya ayoko pang mag settle down. Marami pa akong gustong gawin sa buhay ko. And maybe I can’t blame myself kung bakit ganito ang mentality ko siguro sa mga hirap na na experience ko. Since highschool ako na ang nagpa-aral sa sarili ko until now I’ m the one who make sacrifices for my family.
I want to enjoy life because like I’m always saying I deserves it!
Take of my future! Yan yung naging desisyon ko and I was very thankful to the team that helps me especially to my consultant. They give strenght and guidance for the whole procedure.
YES! I feel so guilty sa ginawa ko but mas importante sa akin ang pamilya ko at ang sarili ko.