That time, grabe talaga— roller coaster of emotions. One moment I was in denial, telling myself baka delayed lang, baka stress lang. Tapos biglang reality hit—pregnant ako. Natulala ako, nahilo, natakot. Halo-halo na emotions—takot sa future, hiya, guilt, confusion. Minsan umiiyak ako, minsan blank lang, staring sa kisame thinking “ano na mangyayari sakin?”, “dai ko aram an gigibuhon ko.” I felt so alone kahit may mga tao naman sa paligid ko. Hindi ko alam kung kanino lalapit without being judged.

Then I tried to find a solution on my own. Doon na nagsimula yung isa pang nightmare. I trusted online sellers na nagsasabing legit daw yung abortion pills nila. They sounded convincing—may instructions (pero dai detailed, sasabihon lang ninda pano mo gagamiton si bulong). So I took the risk. I spent around 30,000 pesos—ang laki nun. Pero in the end… scam lang pala. Puro Misoprostol ang tinao sako (Cytotec) which is sabi ni Doc John, baratuhon lang nasa 50pesos lang daa kadto ang saro, si iba duman fake meds. Kaya walang effect. Mas lalo lang akong natakot at nastress. Imagine, already dealing with unwanted pregnancy, tapos nadagdagan pa ng panloloko. I felt stupid, honestly. Parang sinisi ko sarili ko—“bakit ako naniwala agad?” It was exhausting, emotionally and financially.

Desperate na ako that time, so I kept searching online—forums, articles, kahit anong info about how real abortion pills should look like. Hanggang sa may nakita akong website that actually looked legit. “PROJECT 486”. Hindi siya mukhang shady—organized yung info, may proper documentation, detailed explanations about the process, risks, and what to expect. Parang first time may nakita akong malinaw at hindi pananakot lang. They were clearly helping Filipinas like me have safe access kahit illegal dito. Reading through it felt different—parang may konting liwanag. A small window of hope. “Baka ito na yun,” sabi ko sa sarili ko.

And eventually, I went through with it—medical abortion. Hindi siya madali, physically and emotionally. May pain, may kaba habang hinihintay kung magiging successful ba. But it worked. When I realized it was over, I just cried. Hindi dahil sa lungkot—but relief. Sobrang gaan sa pakiramdam, parang may tinanggal na sobrang bigat na dala ko. For the first time in weeks, nakahinga ako nang maayos. I know hindi ito madali na experience, and hindi rin siya basta-basta makakalimutan—but I made it through. And right now, I just feel… free.