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I don’t really know what to say or where to start, but I’m just beyond grateful for the trust and care this team gave me during one of the hardest times of my life. It actually took me more than two weeks to finally write this because it still hurts to remember everything.

 

I’ve been in an on and off toxic relationship with my partner for a while. And just when I finally decided to leave for good, I found out I was pregnant. That news changed everything. It made me question all my decisions. Was this a sign for us to fix things? Was it a second chance for us to do it right this time? For a while, I believed maybe it was.

 

I was certain I wanted to keep it. But reality hit hard. He never changed, and our situation only got worse. The constant fights and the emotional stress. I knew deep down that neither of us, especially my body, was ready for this. I realized that if we pushed through, the child would grow up in an unsafe and unstable environment, and that’s the last thing I would ever want.

 

I spent weeks thinking, crying, and going back and forth with my decision until I ultimately chose to let it go. That was when I found Project 486. And honestly, I’m so grateful I did. They were there for me from start to finish. Always present, kind, and patient that I never felt alone, even without my partner by my side. They made sure I understood every step, and I followed the schedule they gave me carefully.

On the third day, around 11 pm, I felt the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. But what hurt even more was the thought of what my baby might be feeling as I did this. When I finally saw the poc, I felt every kind of emotion all at once — pain, relief, guilt, sadness, and somehow, peace. It was overwhelming. But above all, I was thankful that it was over, and that I was safe.

Even after that, the team continued to check in on me, making sure I was recovering well. Physically, I am healing. But mentally and emotionally, I’m still fighting through it gyud. Some days are better than others and I still carry the guilt and the what-ifs, but I remind myself that I made the decision out of love, love for the child, and love for the version of me that needed to survive.

I don’t know what the future holds, but for now, I just want to say thank you to Project 486, for their compassion, understanding to vulnerable women and for being there when I needed it the most.