It’s been a week since we decided to remove our baby from my womb.

For that entire week, there hasn’t been a day without tears. I visit her grave every single day, bringing flowers and asking for forgiveness. I want her to know that even though we desperately wanted to keep her, we felt it wasn’t possible right now to give her the life she deserves.

She was supposed to be my first baby, the first apo, the first pamangkin, the first baby among my trio of friends.

My partner and I had plans for our future, but unexpected challenges at work left us financially unstable, living paycheck to paycheck. When we found out I was pregnant, we were overjoyed. But as we considered our situation and her future, we ultimately decided to terminate the pregnancy to spare her from the hardship we are currently facing.

Making that choice was incredibly difficult. I dreamed about her—laughing, clapping, and being happy. I cry and pray for her every day, but I trust that she understands our decision.

The entire process was mentally and emotionally draining. I often questioned if we were really going through with it, but I believed it was for the best. The pain I experienced during this time was also significant, but I’m grateful that Dr. JJ was there to support me throughout.

I am thankful for Project 486, which has given me the opportunity to start again. I feel ready to begin again, this time we will be more smart in decision that we will be doing. I hope she will comeback to us when we are already ready.