Reflection:

I did not expect my life to split into a before and after so quietly.

Ó

One test, two lines, and suddenly everything felt unreal. I remember staring at it and feeling almost nothing at first, like I was reading news about someone else’s life. But underneath that calm was a growing pressure I couldn’t ignore. I wasn’t ready. I knew that with a certainty deeper than fear. I couldn’t tell my parents or friends, only my partner who was scared of it almost as much as I was. I felt so alone and afraid.

Living in the Philippines made everything heavier. Abortion is illegal here, which meant panic quickly turned into desperation. I spent hours then days searching online, scrolling through forums at night, reading stories from strangers, trying to separate truth from scams. Every page felt like a gamble. Some sounded convincing but suspicious, others terrifying. I felt alone, like I was navigating something dangerous without a map.

I remember the exhaustion of searching wondering if there was any safe way forward at all.

Then I found Project486.

At first, I was cautious. Almost skeptical. But I kept reading testimonies, screenshots, comments from people sharing experiences that sounded real and human, not scripted. There were detailed explanations, warnings about scammers, and stories from women who sounded just like me: scared, unsure, trying to take control of their lives quietly.

For the first time since finding out I was pregnant, I felt a small spark of hope.

Still, sending that first email felt terrifying. My hands hovered over the keyboard longer than I want to admit. I felt nervous, exposed, and strangely hopeless, unsure if anyone would reply or if I was making a mistake. Pressing send felt like stepping into the unknown.

When I finally received a response and was connected with the doctor, something inside me softened. It felt like someone had turned on a light in a dark room. The doctor didn’t rush me or pressure me. Instead, I was guided carefully, informed thoroughly about the medication, the process, what was normal, what wasn’t, and especially how to avoid scams and unsafe practices. I felt supported rather than alone.

 

Buying and receiving the medicine felt surreal. Holding it in my hands made everything real, but instead of panic, I felt prepared. There was still that sliver of uncertainty kung totoo ba or hindi but upon following each step as instructed, nabawasan yung takot and mas nagtiwala talaga ako. The doctor’s presence even virtually made the experience feel safe. Every step was explained beforehand, every possibility discussed, every question answered without judgment.

 

The first two days were calmer than I expected. I waited, listened to my body, and followed the guidance given to me. I was nervous, of course, but not overwhelmed. Knowing what to expect made all the difference.

The third day was the hardest physically. The cramps came stronger, waves that demanded my attention, but even then I wasn’t afraid. Everything happening matched exactly what the doctor had described. My partner and I had already prepared pads ready, pain management planned, expectations clear. When the bleeding and clots passed, it happened almost effortlessly, not chaotic or frightening like I had imagined during those early nights of anxious research.

The accuracy of the doctor’s warnings and explanations gave me reassurance in real time. Nothing felt unexpected. Nothing felt out of control. Nung nakahiga lang ako for 8 hours on the 3rd day, nagtataka ako kung bakit parang walang nangyayari but still I persisted and trusted. When I was allowed to get up and sit and walk, yung feeling na parang mahihimatay ka na washed over me so quickly because everything just came pouring out effortlessly. During the pain, I still almost laughed because nagwork! Totoo nga sila.

 

When the bleeding slowed and eventually stopped, a new kind of nervousness appeared. The waiting. The wondering. Was it complete? Was everything okay? My mind filled the silence with questions again.

Until the confirmation came.

I remember the exact feeling of relief so deep it felt physical, like a weight sliding off my shoulders that I hadn’t realized I’d been carrying every minute of every day. I could breathe fully again. My body felt like it belonged to me again.

I felt grateful.

Grateful that I trusted Project486. Grateful for the doctor who guided me patiently and compassionately through something that once felt impossible to navigate safely. Grateful for the calm that replaced fear, and for the quiet return to my own life.

The experience didn’t feel like chaos or tragedy. It felt like reclaiming control during a moment when I felt powerless. Thank you Project486 and Doc JJ for giving us a chance to choose ourselves and our wellbeing.