Abortion Pills in Cebu

Hi! If you’re reading this, then that means I finally had a successful MA under the assistance of Project486, who has been very helpful throughout the process.

I got pregnant with my partner, who was my first boyfriend and first love. We broke up almost a decade ago. We lost communication. He met someone else and I met other people, too. Fate, somehow, gave us another chance to be together after a long time. We really love each other. And I got pregnant. But we’ve only been together again for 5 months! I know we have each other’s back but we’re just not ready for it. We talked about our options. We talked about keeping it. We had long conversations for days as to what we would do with it. He was very happy about the pregnancy but we’re not ready. I have savings but it’s not enough, for sure. The pregnancy needs alone would be hefty, how much more once the child is out? We don’t have a house of our own. We’re not even married, yet. We talked about getting married as soon as we can, before the bump starts showing, in a civil court with small reception after but I’m just not ready yet. I just know I’m not financially ready for everything. And he isn’t, too. We don’t have enough saved up money to give the best this child would need. I love my baby from the moment I saw the test came positive but I’m not ready.

 

I told my best friend about the pregnancy and how I wanted to terminate it. She was shocked but she understood where my decision is coming from. She’s the one who told me about Project486 because her friend in college had MA twice with this team. I immediately inquired and they sent an email. I just followed their instructions until they gave me the pricing. I said I would circle back once I have the money. The truth is, I had the money sooner but I waited for a couple of weeks before I ordered the medications. I had to contemplate. I had to make sure it was really what I want. I had to make sure I understood it’s for the best. What really made my decision clear was the fact that I was also having bad pregnancy aversions and body malaise. I told my partner about it and although he was doing everything he can to provide for my needs, it was just too much for me. So I ordered and waited  for the meds to arrive. When the courier messaged that my item’s ready for pick up, I informed Dr. John I would pick it up and that that day would also be my Day 1 of the process.

I was already eating light meals prior. I carefully followed what was instructed to me, so as for Day 2. I had no major reactions to the medications. Day 1 was normal, although I felt my sensitivity towards certain smells lessened. I felt light cramping and a subtle burning sensation around my hips and belly in Day 2.

During the miso day (Day 3), I physically, mentally, and emotionally prepared myself. My partner lives far and had to work so I had to go through it alone. I had everything I’d need within reach- water, pads, diapers, meds, and etc.

At 4pm, I did 2 vaginal miso and 2 buccal miso. It took least 3 hours after the initial miso intake for my cramping to start. By then, I was ready for the pain. I didn’t even feel the need to drink Ibuprofen. I was just feeling it. I wasn’t enjoying it but I had to feel it. In my mind, if my baby was in pain, then there’s no reason for me to feel even a little bit of comfort at all. I was punishing myself for what I was doing to it. I was suffering, yes, and I allowed myself to feel every bit of it. Was I being theatrical? Maybe. But at that moment, all I could think of was how much it’s hurting my baby. I was just praying for my baby to just come out. That my womb isn’t a safe place for it anymore and it should just come out. I didn’t flinch, I didn’t cry, nor did I winced at the physical pain I was feeling. I was just mourning.

At around past 9pm, I felt hot liquids gush out of me. First, it was watery. I messaged Dr. John and he confirmed my water broke. And then I felt thick liquid come out. The contractions and cramps at this point were unbearable but I had to endure them. I was also having chills so wrapped myself with a jacket and 2 blankets and monitored my body temperature.

Then I felt it- a lump in my V opening. I pushed it out of me gently. I knew that was it. That was my baby. Just seconds after that lump came out, the contractions lessened. They just came in waves every few minutes accompanied by the gushing of blood. And then what felt like a large jelly was in my opening. Again, I gently pushed it out, not wanted to strain my uterus. Every time I felt some jelly-like discharge come out of me, the contractions and cramps lessened but it was still bad. I was also having high fever at this point and the misos in my mouth were making me want to vomit. I was thirsty, too. I just followed what was instructed to me by Dr. John as he was also monitoring me.

After what felt like forever, it was finally 12am and I’m allowed to stand. The pain already subsided but I didn’t stand yet. I gave myself a few minutes to curl in fetal position. I had to regain some energy and prepare myself to look at my POC. Of all the things I prepared for, having to see and touch my aborted baby wasn’t one of them. I curled in a way that wouldn’t squeeze my diaper. Then, I stood, cleaned myself, prepared my POC for documentation and sent it to Dr. John. After a few exchange of messages, he finally confirmed I’m not pregnant anymore. I was relieved and sad at the same time but what’s done is done. I’m just grateful I had the chance to do MA with proper guidance or else I would have placed myself in jeopardy.

To the women who will be reading this, your decision is yours and yours to make. Whatever your reasons are, you know it’s for the best. You’re not a hypocrite for doing this even if you’ve been told all your life it’s morally incorrect. You can’t force yourself to be ready on something you’re not. You know what you’re capable of and incapable of. And that’s totally okay. Just make better choices next time. Also, no matter how resolved you are about terminating the pregnancy, you will feel guilt, loss, and sadness along with the relief. Your feelings are valid. You may think you’re cruel but giving birth to a child you know you can’t properly raise is just tantamount to that.

And with Project486, you’re in safe hands. You’re monitored and guided. You have a choice and they will help you. I’m grateful for having the chance to do MA with them.

As for me, I know this event significantly altered the way I see things. This chance will not go to waste. I somehow feel like I sacrificed my baby and that will not go in vain. I will make a better life for me from here on, along with my partner. We will do better, that’s for sure, so when I get pregnant again, we’ll be ready for the responsibility. By then, I will allow myself to grow, nurture, and birth to what I had to lose now- no matter how hard the journey gets.