Hello I’m alias Rumi , taga Cebu ko and I’m here to share my story.

I’m 20 years old and currently still a student. Me and my partner were irresponsible and due to the influence of alcohol we decided to be reckless one night. Wako ga expect nga mabuntis since I’ve only tried it raw once and wasn’t ovulating… But anything can happen.

Since student pako, dili pako pwede ma inahan. I have no financial support, and me and my partner aren’t married and both my parents don’t even know I have a boyfriend. I was scared.
I didn’t want to abort it at first…. As scared as I was, I wanted to be a mother someday, and I nagdamgo ko nga this child might be happy. But dreams can stay in my mind… I had to face reality. The reality was, Stricto akong parents so obviously they will kick me out, nya studyante pako, nya walay trabaho. True, pede Ra mag working while studying… But will the child grow with a nice life?

The life nga akong gidahum sa akong anak is better than the life I have now. Kanang fli maglisod, dili mag utang2 iyang inahan para lng naay ipakaon, a life nga dili sha maghilak inig gabii Kay sgeg away iyang mamag papa sa kwarta. I wanted my child to grow with a great life… And I know that if I kept this one… Dli gyud sha possible.

I cried for a whole week knowing that I had to make a painful decision. Abortion.
To be honest I already loved the child… Dili mn gyud malikayan kay ana mn gyud ko, Dali ragyud ko ma attached… Samot na kahag bata. But this so called “Attachment” I had was not enough to justify the life I’ll bring this child if I don’t get rid of it.

So me and I partner asked around… Friends, classmates, even illegal websites that might have the answer… Until one of my classmates said nga naa daw website that can help. At first we thought it was a scam, since dli mn sad kaayo mi close ato nga classmate. But what other choice did we have… For mine and the child’s sake… We had to take it.

Imagine our relief to find out it was legit. No scams, no lies, naa pay discount. Me and my partner were grateful for it.

I had doubts during the process, I won’t lie… Fron the first time we reached out… I kept on pacing back and forth if I really wanted this. Nagbasa ko sa online articles, how painful and uncomfortable it was… Mag duha2 gyud ko. But I kept myself straight. Ngano diayg Makita ko or malain ko, basta dili lng gyud nako hatagan ang bata ug kinabuhing masakit pa ani. So we ordered the pills and waited.

When the pills arrived, I was scared. Shaking even. The doubts keep multiplying. “Dli ba Kaha ko mamatay ani?” “Magka cancer bako?”, lucky I had a great consultant. My consultant was so understanding that even though I messed up big time in complying his orders, he still didn’t give up on me. I promised not to mess up again, and I’m so glad he took the risk. As in nahadlok Jud ko kadtong nag duha2 nasha nako. I had no one else, this was my last hope. So I made sure never to mess up again.

During the process the doubts disappeared. What use was questioning now? I already took the first pill. So before I slept that night I prayed. Forgiveness? Succession? Redemption? I can hardly remember. All I know is I kept crying and hoped the child will forgive for not bringing it life.

After the process…. After everything…. I took one good look at the Fetus that came out of me… I don’t even remember what I felt. I was blank. Akong nahinumdoman ra kay, dapat nakong mupahuway… Kay Kong dli, mayabag nya ko. I kept the fetus and rested.

When the consultant instructed me to get rid of the fetus I complied. I grabbed my shovel and started burying it. As deep as I can, and as remote as possible.

When I got home, that’s when all the emotions came crashing in. I cried, I got mad, I laughed, I went crazy. I was crazy. For a while. Tibuok Gabie ato, gatama Rako…. Wan.a ko kasabot sa Akong kaogalingon. I lost my child but I gained my freedom, I felt selfish and dirty, but then a few minutes after that I’ll start laughing, feeling relieved and light.

Masgrabi gyud diay Ang kasing2 kaysas lawas… Kay Ang sakit during the process, dli nako macomparar sa sakit pagkahuman.

It took roughly week maybe, nga sge kog buang2, maygani lng gyud way nakabantay… Total, maayo mn gyud ko mutago labi nag emotions.
After the week of mental tolls… I regain my mind back, I slowly laughed genuinely… And slowly focused on myself. I’ve never felt more thankful for a project in my life. True, I lost a child. Until now I still miss my child and think of what could’ve been…

So as a form of repentance, I’ll never be pregnant unless I know for sure I’m ready. I got my life back, my goals and dreams remain and my partner and I have never been more careful. I’ll make sure to never have reckless sex unless I’m sure to be a mother, until I know I can give my children the life I promised they deserve.