I thought I could never get pregnant. For the past 5 years being together with my partner, doing the thing without protection, I never became pregnant. There were times that I missed my period , but when I did a pregnancy test, it always turned out negative.

When I had a delay last January, I was still complacent . I thought it was just a result of too much stress from work since we did a lot of catch-up on the things that we missed to do last year. I drank supplements and ate food that could induce menstruation for a week. But still, I did not have my period. One of my friends told me to  take pills to increase my hormones so that my period will eventually come. And yes! I took the pills for a 10 days straight.  However, my period still did not come. I was worried. I told my bf that I was delayed for 17 days already and he told me to take a pregnancy test.

I was literally scared of what may happened because honestly, I am not yet ready to become a mom.  When I took the test early in the morning, my heart was beating fast . I waited for a minute and the result showed two lines that signified that I was pregnant . I told my bf about it and he said that we should take another test to make sure, so we bought another kit– the branded one . And, still the result was positive.  Mixed emotions ran through my being. Part of me was happy even if I knew in myself that I am still not ready. I told myself , “This is my baby and he/she is a blessing.I should take responsibility.” However, my fears and worries took over my system. I was afraid that he/she will be born with abnormalities knowing that I took pills and other medicines that were not good for pregnant women.  I do not want her/him to suffer  for the rest of his/her life knowing how cruel the world is. I was a coward.

For weeks, I became so stressed not knowing what to do. I did not know how to tell my family . I was worried on how to deal with it at work. So, I asked my partner on what we should do. We are in a complicated relarionship and our situation would definitely affect both of us. He asked me if it was okay for me to terminate it knowing that for sure the baby would not be healthy because of all the pills I took  and all the stress I encountered .

At first, I was disappointed and hurt knowing that he seemed to not want our child. But he told me that if we want to be pregnant, we have to make sure that it will be planned so that our child will be normal and healthy.  After days of thinking over and over again, I made a decision to agree with him to do the procedure.

We agreed to look for a clinic that could help us. We did lots of researches and even roamed around the city just to look fo someone who could help us. But nothing happened since  abortion is not legal in our country. Though we were aware of it, still we desperately looked for someone who could help us. However, we found no one to help us.

We then searched online for possible abortion pills and we found out about mifepristone and misoprostol as the safest and most reliable pills to use in doing the procedure. We tried our luck to purchase the meds in discreet pharmacies but they would not release them without doctor’s prescription.

Then, we tried to search for online shops. And yes! we found shops selling the meds . We were very careful in deciding as to where to purchase the meds considering that it’s pricey. We looked for reviews on the said shops and we found nothing. We were afraid that we might get scammed so we searched the web again looking for more reliable sites that could help us.

And luckily, we found project486.com. We spent hours reading reviews on  the website and we were amazed  to read lots of good reviews. So, we decided to inquire thru sending an email to the site.

After couple of hours, we received a reply. We were asked for some information  with regards to the pregnancy. We were told to take and send a picture of the PT results. So we did. After a day, an email was sent to us containing the name of our consultant and his contact info.

Immediately, I messaged Dr. Jj and instantly got a reply from him. He made a schedule for an orientation. On the day of the orientation, he explained to me how the pills work , what to do before , during and after the procedure and many more. The orientation lasted for almost 2 hours and within those hours, I was enlightened by his explanations and lectures. He gave me time to decide and to message him again if I would push through with the procedure.

I asked my bf about it and we both agreed to push through with our decision. I messaged Dr. Jj again informing him with our decision. He sent me all necessary info with regards to the procedure including tge  options of the different packages and we decided to avail package 1 which was intended for women with 4 to 8 weeks pregnancy.

When the parcel arrived, I messaged Dr. Jj. He asked me as to when we planned to do the procedure. Since it would be awkward to do the procedure at home knowing that my parents are there, my bf and I decided to do the procedure in another area. Dr. Jj was very supportive and considerate that he even gave us a modified time table that was convenient to both me and my bf.

On the first day of taking mifepristone, I did not feel anything. Everything was normal and I even did my routines but with extra careful. Then I took the second mife based on the time given by Dr. Jj. Still I did not feel anything new. I followed all the things stated in the time table carefully .

Then , the third day came. The day that I feared the most after reading all the reviews in the website. They said that it was the most painful day so I conditioned myself that I would possibly be experiencing extreme pain during day 3.  We went to the area where we will do the “miso day” earlier.  We came with all the needed things . At 9 am, we did the vaginal insertion of misoprostol and started with my pillow maneuver. My back near my butt hurt maybe because it was lifted  through the pillow. I endured the pain because I really want tge procedure to be successful.

Hours passed and I still did not bleed as same as what I read in the reviews. I was nervous. I had lots of what ifs running in my mind— what if my body does not respond well with the pills?

But then , I told myself to trust the process. I messaged Dr. Jj about it and ge told me to just relax and continue with the procedure. He told me to do buccal and sublingual miso simultaneously at 1 pm , so I did.  After nearly 2 hours, I felt the cramps but still did not bleed. I slept for couple of minutes then I woke up feeling the light bleeding . I was relieved that at last I bled which means that the meds worked.

When the clock hit 5 pm, Dr. Jj instructed me to stand and check my diapers. When I stood, I ran immediately to the CR because of my urge to pee. And there, lots of blood came out. It was a combination of blood clots and blood. We checked the clots and found some tissues and white something on it. We took the photo and sent it to Dr. Jj for assessment.  But then, he said that the tissues that came out was not yet the POC.

I was nervous . I told myself, what if the procedure was not successful. I even cried. But then Dr. Jj told me to wait for more hours until the POC would come out.

The bleeding continued. At 1:00 A.M , I was awaken with my urge to pee. I peed on a pail and was shocked to see bigger blood clots to come out. I checked the clots and  saw a white fleshy thing on it. I hurriedly separated the thing from the blood ,took a picture of it and sent it to Dr. Jj.

After answering a set of queries, he told me that I was officially NOT pregnant and that the major POC came out. The procedure was a success.

It has been 1 week since we did the procedure. I still have the bleeding but recently I is less heavy than what I’ve experience in the 1st 3 days after the procedure.  I am still recovering physically, mentally and  emotionally .

To our child, we are so sorry for what we did. We are so sorry for depriving you the life that you should have had. Even if we had our reasons, still we are now suffering from regrets and guilt. We hope that you will forgive us. You will always be in our minds and our hearts.

To Project486, thank you very much for helping us get through with our situation. And to Dr. Jj , thank you very much for all the guidance and support . Thanks for always keeping in touch to us during the procedure. Thank you for helping us all the way.Mary, Cagayan de Oro City