Lisod.

The only word I can use to describe what I have been through. Hi I am S, 21, from Leyte. Got pregnant by accident and yes, I say by accident. We started talking nung September. Once every month kami nagkikita and as someone na very curious on what it feels like, nag explore ako. I was careful—didn’t want to have sex kung walay protection pero ayoko mag use ng contraceptive pills because of the possible side effects and I thought it would only be a one time thing so, condom lang ang only protection. Even sa time na kabalo na siya na mu gawsan na siya, nilalabas niya na kahit may condom. November came, usually kasi sa first 3 days dumadating period ko. Then the first 3days of nov passed by, wala ra japon ko gidugo. Then the first week, wala lang japon. I finally got the courage to take a pt nung 2nd week na and the result came positive. I didn’t panic. I came out of the bathroom composed and dayon ko nga nag research sa mga dapat gawin.

 

I found this pink website na nagabaligya ug abortion pills thru reddit. Upon reading the responses, I was convinced na mag buy since tumalab naman siya sa iba. Fast forward, niabot ang meds and took it based sa kanilang instructions. Ang resulta kay gidugo ra ko then wala na. Wala nigawas na clots or something na buo. I thought it was normal ra kay 4 weeks palang ako at that time. Pero nagtake ako ng pt around mid dec and the results are still positive. I lost hope. During this time, gi ghost nako sa akoang ka talk kay he was freaking out. He doesn’t want to be envolved kasi “daghan akoang dreams na dili pa na achieve”. I went through it alone. Dili na nako kabalo unsa akong next na buhaton. I couldn’t tell my friends about may situation man kay I was scared na majudge by them. Pero kay dili na nako nakaya, the baby was getting bigger as weeks pass by to the point na kahit gamay ra na water ang iniinom ko, lumalaki tiyan ko. I suddenly remembered na I have a friend na misulti na naa siyay cousin na naburos. I told her the truth na buros ko and wala ko plan to keep it tungod for god’s sake sa kadaghan nga rason. Dayon siya nga nangutana sa iyahang cousin unsa iyang gi take para mawala ang baby. I tried na mag reach out—dumating ang package, I took the meds, followed the instructions. This time, wala ko gidugo. Tolerable pain lang yung cramps pero nag iiba ng shape yung puson ko like tumitigas siya.

 

Devastated. Di ko alam kung scam ba lahat ng yun or sadyang malakas lang talaga ang kapit kasi I also tried yung mga herbal na pampatanggal daw and wala parin. I started to slowly accept the fact na magiging mommy talaga ako at an early age. Isang idea japon ang nisulod sa akon utok na what if ikeep nako ang baby to full term, and then ipa ampon ra nako siya or put sa adoption center. Mapapansin kaya ng parents ko na buntis ako? Although i have the money naman to raise this child alone, alam ko sa sarili ko na I am not yet ready emotionally and mentally to raise a kid. So, while searching through the internet sa possible na mga adoption center na pwedeng iwan ang baby, I found several websites about abortion pills. Meron yung sa ibang bansa pero may certain weeks of gestation lang ang pwede tapos based sa reddit regarding netong website is matagal mag ship. Then I found Project486 na website. At this point, 17 weeks na ako. Last resort ko na talaga to and if hindi pa nag work, ike-keep ko na talaga ang baby kasi siguro yun ang fate ko. I reached out— daghan ilahang instructions on what and what not to do since madami daw ang trolls. By this, nakabalo nako nga very discreet talaga sila and naa ko gut feeling na this time, mag work na gid na. I had high hopes na mag wwork siya. Ang approach sakin ni Dr. JJ is very professional talaga unlike sa mga binilhan ko before. Meron ding additional knowledge and information regarding sa differences ng medications between the fake and the real ones, and even sent various articles of studies sa drugs and its effects sa pregnancy. Nag send ng detailed MOA, tapos ang process on what will happen if I star taking the meds. Very detailed talaga pero hindi sila yung type na ie-encourage ka na ipa-abort. The decision is up to you talaga if you really want to proceed. The package arrived— I took the first pill, the second pill, and 3rd day came and followed the instructions and took the remaining medications. At first, tolerable pa yung pain, but nung tumagal tagal, di ko na matolerate yung pain (I have high pain tolerance). I had chills, nagkafever ako, nauseous, and sakit kaayo akong puson. Fast forward (I couldn’t really recall what happened) pumunta ako ng cr then may lumabas na very small lang na clot and then minutes passed umire ako ng slight kasi super sakit na and then lumabas na nga siya.

Everything happened so fast. I was shivering, taas akong fever. The moment na lumabas siya, I couldn’t feel anything emotionally— I felt empty. The only thing that I could think at that moment kay I won’t have to worry about both our future— kung unsaon nako pagpadako sa bata. Dr. JJ guided me throughout the journey, gave me advice on what to do after abortion. Very thankful kaayo jud ko sa ilahang team na very supportive, accommodating, and very hands on sa ilahang patients.

Tbh, kulang jud ang thank you ra sa super ka helpful sa ilahang team. This decision might not sound good to other people with different perspective, but I am glad that Dr. JJ and their team exist to help girls like me.