I am a college student, a consistent Dean’s Lister, the eldest daughter, and an active officer in our college program. I was someone who always aimed high, someone who carried not only her own dreams but also the weight of her family’s expectations. I was constantly reminded that I had to finish my studies, that this was my way of repaying all the sacrifices my mother had made for me.

Then I became pregnant.
That was the moment my life started to go dark and slowly crumble.

Me and my partner shared one apartment. I thought it was easy. We lived like a married couple, doing things that we shouldn’t do, and at worst, things we could no longer control. Nung una, kampante pa kami kasi we’ve been doing this for almost two years, relying only on withdrawal. Akala namin that was the safest way to avoid getting pregnant, but we were wrong.

September 17, 2025 was when I missed my menstruation. Nung una, akala namin delay lang kasi I have an irregular menstrual cycle. Pero deep inside, I knew something was really wrong. Parang may kutob talaga ako na may nabuo kami. So I forced my partner that I should take a pregnancy test, and it was positive. Nanlamig ako. I wasn’t surprised, because I expected it. Kasi may kutob na talaga ako.

Nung una pa lang, alam na ng partner ko ang consequences if he got me pregnant while we were still studying. He knew that I couldn’t stop my studies to raise a child because I had goals that I wanted to achieve as a college student. My mother trusted me, not to fail in my studies, and that was why she allowed me to have a boyfriend. Pero ako, na tanga, nagpadala pa rin sa tukso ng buhay. Alam na namin ng partner ko kung saan tutungo ang desisyon namin. Yes, we decided to do the abortion, and this was the most challenging phase I had ever experienced in my life.

Month of October na kami naghanap ng pwedeng pagbilhan ng abortion medicine kasi iyon lang ang month na nakapag-ipon kami para pambili nito. We searched different people who sell abortion medicine, sa Facebook, TikTok, at Instagram. Doon sa TikTok, maraming nagbebenta ng abortion medicines. We were a desperate couple who wanted to find a solution as soon as possible, kaya bumili agad kami sa isang seller na nagpakilalang doctor daw. We didn’t even know if that person was reliable or if the medicine was effective.

We already expected that the price would be high, given that it was illegal here in our country to sell it without proper consultation from a professional doctor. Pero kahit ganoon, bumili pa rin kami. The delivery took so long, almost four weeks kaming naghintay. Pati ang pagbigay ng procedure, napaka-delay. December na namin nagawa ang procedure because I was busy fulfilling my responsibilities in school.

I trusted the seller and the medicine she sold to us, but it turned out I failed on my first attempt. Walang nangyari, wala talagang lumabas sa akin. So I contacted her and told her that nothing happened after I took the medicine. She told me that I needed to retake it, so I believed her again. Nag-ipon ulit kami ng partner ko to buy the highest dosage of the medicine.

December 17 nang bumili ulit kami sa kanya, and it was delivered on January 6, 2026. By that time, I was already 18 weeks pregnant. Kabado na ako kasi malaki-laki na ang tiyan ko. Hahalata na ang baby bump, and if magre-retake man ako, alam kong mahihirapan na akong ilabas iyon since malaki na ang 18-week fetus.

On our second attempt, I thought it would finally be successful because we really did our best that time. But still, it failed. Kunting blood clot lang ang lumabas sa akin. I contacted the seller again, and she just said that maybe hindi lang daw hiyang sa akin ang medicine at mas kailangan ko pa raw ng mas mataas na dosage. Doon na ako nag-break down nang sobra. I cried so much in front of my partner, feeling completely hopeless. Sobrang laki na ng perang nagastos namin, pero wala pa ring nangyayari.

Pero kahit ganoon, hindi pa rin ako nawalan ng pag-asa. I didn’t stop searching on different social media platforms, trying to find another hope and solution to my problem. Doon ulit sa TikTok, I saw a comment about Project486, saying that her abortion was successful with their help. I got curious and searched it on Google. Upon reading the website, I saw different articles and testimonies about their abortion experiences. While reading them, I felt hope, and that hope pushed me to contact them.

Sir John was the one who guided me. I was honestly shocked by how accommodating and professional he was. He offered to call me and explain everything with facts. The way he spoke, calm, intelligent, and respectful, gave me so much reassurance. However, he told me the truth: my case was risky. I was already five months pregnant, and it was my first time. My case was initially rejected.

When he told me that, parang gumuho ulit ang mundo ko. I cried the entire day. Suicidal thoughts filled my mind. I even begged my partner to just kill me and throw me into the sea. That was how broken I was at that moment. But even then, I felt that Project486 was my last hope. I begged Sir John to give me a chance, even just to sell me the medicine, even without monitoring me. But he didn’t abandon me. He gave me a chance, and more than that, he stayed. He monitored me, checked on me, and guided me throughout the procedure. Sobrang laking bagay noon. I will forever be grateful to him.

And also additionally, the transaction of the medicine and the delivery only took a week para ma deliver sa area namin. That’s how good the service of Prjct486 is. Unlike sa dating seller na pinagbilhan namin, 3-4 weeks pa bago ma deliver. Mas lalong pinapa-lala lang ang sitwasyon mo.

During the procedure, I was terrified it would fail again. But I gathered all my courage. I knew I finally had the right medicine, and with my fighting spirit, I believed this time it would work.

And it did.

When it happened, I didn’t know what to feel. It was a mix of pain, fear, sadness, and shock. I was overwhelmed by guilt, because I knew what I had done. But it was a choice I made because I felt I had no other way. The guilt was heavy, but the relief I felt was something I can never explain nor measure.

Now, I am still healing, physically, emotionally, and mentally. The mistake I made will never be forgotten. But I know that life still has more to offer me and my partner. I do not regret what I did, because it was for our survival, our future, and our sanity. If you’re reading this and you’ve been in a similar situation, you know exactly what I mean.

To Sir John, thank you will never be enough. Thank you for the chance, for the hope, and for the new beginning you gave me. Thank you for never judging me and for respecting my decisions. You didn’t just help me medically, you helped me continue living. I will carry your kindness with me for the rest of my life.

And to my girlies out there, if you’re in the same situation as me right now, don’t ever lose hope and never stop choosing yourself. Mistakes may not be forgotten, but through these mistakes, you learn, you grow, and you become wiser. They do not define your worth nor cancel your future. Every fall teaches you how to stand stronger, and every scar reminds you that you survived. Be gentle with yourself. Trust the process. Keep moving forward, because healing is not linear, and choosing to keep going is already a victory. Choose yourself every day, even when it’s hard, especially when it’s hard.

Thank you for reading, and always remember wag nang uulit pa.