‘Celeste just turned 10 months and I’m just starting to prioritize myself since the last pregnancy. I can’t have this baby. Not now. Not anymore.’
Megan, 32 years old, momma of 3, a teacher, from Zamboanga.
October 3, 2025, it was our School-based celebration of Teachers’ Day. On our way home, randomly, I asked my husband to buy a pregnancy test. I didn’t have any symptoms like my usual with my 3 children. I only had bad toothache which I decided to be extracted in September 24, 2025.
When we got home on October 3, I went straight to the CR as I really wanted to pee. Brought with me a piece of pregnancy test we bought. So, I took out the casette and my urine. After dropping 3 drops of urine, I saw a line and a faint line on the casette. ‘Kosa ya. Prinyada ya tamen yo. (Ano ba ‘to. Buntis na naman ako.)’ But because I was denial I took the test again, still a faint line showed. Thinking it was just because it was not a morning urine, and maybe the foods and drinks I ate that day that contributed the faint line so I said I would take a test tomorrow morning again. The test didn’t bother me not like with my third child where I cried the whole night after knowing about it. In short, hindi ako natakot. Not because I’m used to it (lol), but because I’ve always known that I don’t want it. ANYMORE.
October 4, 5am, I took out the casette, dropped 5 drops of urine, double checking the instructions to make sure I’m using the Pregancy Test properly (it’s not like its my first time, lol). Still a faint line. I told my husband about the result, he actually knows since I had the first test yesterday (October 3). We both decided we can’t keep the baby since Celeste has just turned 10 months old and that I’m still recovering from my CS Delivery.
A little background, we thought of also aborting Celeste before, but because our second child is already 6 years old and we thought its about time to bear a child again, so we made it to term. I didn’t have the heart to do it either. I’ve always been so afraid of doing it that’s why I became a momma at 22, right after graduating college. Had I’ve known Project 486 before, I would have finished my masters. But no regrets, really.
After the tests, I searched for abortion again. Found answers on tiktok. Video clips, tips, remedies, sellers (scammers). I sent a message to one of the sellers. Inquiring how much it costs. They asked how long I’ve been and I said that I’m 4 days delayed. They assumed I was on my 4th-5th week. So she showed me the set they got that corresponds to your week. And because I was on my 5th week I chose Set 1. Made the downpayment the following day (October 4).
Anxious as I was (who wouldn’t be, I just had my CS and for sure there is no other option to deliver the baby rather than thru CS) I still kept on searching about abortion on tiktok, google, what to expect, how to take the medicines, recommended dosage, risks, etc. A comment in tiktok caught my attention “search for Project 486, they help women who wish to have abortion”. Curious as I was I searched on google. And yes, its a website for abortion. Messaged Alex and got replies right after. Sent them my blood serum, PTs, and my TVS result. Then I was given a contact number of my consultant and my patient code. Immediately installed whatsapp because that’s the only way I could contact my consultant (Doc John). He gave me sets of questions I need to answer including birth histories of both maternal and paternal sides, my birth histories, diagnosis, etc. From there, I became complacent that maybe this consultant is really knowledgable about abortion. You can’t trust someone just like that when it comes to your health. But because I’m so “praning” and he asked me all those sets of questions which the fake sellers in tiktok failed to ask, he gained my trust.
Doc John was very honest in answering all my questions, the risks, possibilities, he will not sugarcoat the answers, he won’t encourage you to do it but he will guide you in doing it. So, I purchased the meds the following day because I was thinking there’s no time to waste I had to do it as early as possible. Haha I applied for Sloan in shopee so I could purchase the meds. They sent the package that same day and it took more than a week for me to get hold of the meds. While waiting for the meds I read other women’s testimonies in their webblog and from there I felt like I found my people.
The waiting was overwhelming. I had second thoughts because I can still continue the pregnancy if I wanted to ’cause I haven’t take anything yet to potentially affect the fetus, or if there’s any.
The result of my TVS last October 8 was gestational sac that measures 0.28cm, no yolk sac, no fetal pole and I’m 5 weeks based on the TVS. According to google and Chatgpt 0.28cm gestational sac for a 5-week old is too small or maybe it was too early to determine. I was advised to have my TVS after 2 weeks. But I was afraid to know if it developed yolk sac, fetal pole or worst, its heart beat. I’m okay with knowing it didn’t have heartbeat yet. This is the first time I stood for myself, not allowing what society might think of me. I’ve always been so afraid in doing it and that is why I now have 3 children when my plan was to only have 1 or none at all, and until the time I get hold of the meds, the fear didn’t go away. But I was so determined in doing it, I learned that I’m riskier of continuing the pregnancy than aborting it.
And the the day that I’m going to do the procedure. I just came home from my 3-day seminar and informed Doc John that I wanted to proceed with day 1. Doc John was so good enough to adjust his schedule. Imagine, he’s supposed to be resting at 5-11am but already awake at 9am. The commitment this man has for his patients. Come day 3. I didn’t have any major problem or what not althroughout the procedure because I kept thinking this too shall pass. And if ever I would experience excruciating pain I’m ready because it was the consequences of my action.
Mientras ta escribi yo este testimonia, jende lang yo siempre ta cre ya puede yo kel hace. Jende pa le tan sink in. Jende yo quiere larga con ele pero jende tambien yo quiere hay experiencia pari otravez. Jende broma pari y admitido yo/kame culpa este diamon porcausa no hay kame man con quidao. O hala aprende kame con este y o hala jende na yo queda patiente otravez aki na Project 486. Si quien man tu Doc John, ta resa yo manada pa tu maga mujer con quien puede ayuda. Gracias na pasencia ya dale tu conmigo akel maga tiempo tan dos pensamiento yo y mucho yo pregunta. Con cuidao pirmi Doc John.
Con el anghel que ya deha comment na tiktok ya mentiona porcausa con el Project 486, gracias ya salva tu conmigo na mas grande problema.
To my unborn child, perdona tu con momma. Jende na yo quiere experiencia tu que modo de malo el mundo, el maga hente. Cuando ya liga detuyu ate Celeste, ya realisa yo jende broma tiene anak mujer. Talya el miedo na mio corazon especialmente si na trabaho yo y detuyu abuela lang con ele ta atende. Si. Sabe yo, si ya porsigi yo kel, mujer tambien era le. I knew it in my heart. Sorry, anak. It was the best thing to do. Our lives would be riskier if we’ll continue the pregnancy. Ya hace yo este para na detuyu mga ermano y ermana. Gracias no hay tu hace tormenta con momma ya sale ya lang tu cuando quiere ya tu.
The guilt is here. It’s always here. And if ond day it will haunt me, I pray to have courage facing it. Teary-eyed while typing this as I realized na kanina paggising ko I was still pregnant (I guess) and now going to sleep not pregnant anymore. Bitter sweet. I hope I can move forward from this because my children doesn’t deserve the anxious, depressed momma as I was upon knowing about it. This experience made me even stronger, wiser.
Hasta aqui ya lang el dimio testimonia.
Patient
PRJCT486-100925Ac now signing off.