March 21, 2017
Clara, 20, Psychology student, part-time clerk
Plaridel, Bulacan, Philippines

This poem is dedicated to my precious one who never had a chance to begin life and to all the single pregnant women alone and scared with no help from anyone. If you’re thinking of having abortion please make your decision wisely and on your own not for no one else to make them for you.You will never forget that day trust me. But we ALWAYS have a choice, always. I give lots of hugs to all the women who had an abortion. It’s time for us to move on to the future. Keep your head up. God forgives and still love us despite our past.

Letter To My Unborn Baby

© Unknown

To my unborn baby,

Selfishness cannot even explain,
The emotion that turned into pain.
Daddy and I were just not ready,
Especially with our relationship so unsteady.

My unborn baby please forgive me,
For now I’m beginning to see.
Hiding from the pain of my decision,
Only puts me into depression.

I tried to be strong my sweet baby.
It’s not your fault,
Your Dad and I were not meant to be.
You are my greatest achievement I’ll never get to see.

Boy or girl it doesn’t matter, I love you just the same,
It happened so fast you were never given a name.
For all I have to remember you by my heart as always
Just know the thought of you will never go away.

Your eyes that will never see,
Your heart that will never beat.
You will always be a part of me,
From your head down to your feet.

For the tears you will never get to cry,
Worry not my little one.
I’ve shed enough tears for you and I,
For what I did to you cannot be undone.

Please forgive me my unborn child,
For I cannot forgive myself.
I’ve learned from this and trust me beautiful,
I will never repeat this mistake.

Rest your little head my child,
Watch over me and your dad from heaven.
For though our relationship got a little wild,
Know you will never be forgotten.

I can’t wait for the day when we finally meet,
And I can see you stand on your own two feet.
I’ll dream of what your first words will be,
Before you speak them please wait for me.

I have to go now but know I’ll talk to you every night,
For now my unborn baby,
Please sleep tight.

To my unborn baby,
I’ll love you forever.

Your mother,

I really don’t know where to start but right now this is my 1st day of being un-pregnant, being without my angel(March 21, 2017)

December 28-31, 2016 is my last menstrual period

January 28, 2017 I waited for my menstruation until the end of month pero wala. I just thought na irregular yung menstruation ko.

Month of February- still no menstruation, I used pregnancy test(urine test) the result is positive pero gusto kong maging sure kaya i bought pregnancy test again and the result is still positive.

March 3, 2017- I decided to have a another PT (blood test) and the result is positive.

After that I’ve search for natural ways to do para ma-miscarriage ko yung bata. I tried the vitamin C tables(over-dosing myself) eating pineapple, I also took makabuhay capsule and it’s root. Pero naisip ko na parang hindi pa rin effective kaya nag search pa din ako sa net and then I saw the post of ms.Sampaguita about the Dong Quai and the vitamin C again. We try to find the seller of Dong Quai. After that I started taking that and Vitamin C, over-dosing myself again. Pero I’m planning to do the proposed plan B of ms.Sampaguita. By contacting the Project 486. I e-mailed them(March 11, 2017) and they respond quickly, they told me to send some info’s and after sending it to them they give me the number of my consultant. We talked over the phone, he explained everything to me, lahat lahat and sinagot nya lahat ng pwede kong itanong(they are so kind) after that I know that they are not scammers and they are not only doing this just because of money or something. I know, and I can feel that these guys has their own goal/s to help more women out there. They are going to help us to get rid of our baby or sometimes other women call their baby as a “problem” pero they will always ask you if you are really decided to do it. It’s not a simple decision, you need to think about it million times.

So after that conversations, March 17 the medicines arrived. That is a 4day process. 1st day, I did the fasting and folate diet (strictly) until the 3rd day ganun yung ginagawa ko. The 3rd day is the hardest one for me. I stayed in a hotel w/ my companion on the 3rd day 6am nandun’ na kami and done doing the vaginal miso then may something yellowish na lumabas sakin. And 10am done doing the bucal miso. After that I feel the cramping(episodic) after that my companion left kasi may aasikasuhin sya, then few minutes after nyang umalis sumakit ng sobrang sakit yung puson ko, tapos naramdaman ko na my lumalabas sa akin( I think it’s blood) and after that naramdaman ko na may parang may lumabas sakin and I know sya na yun. I texted may companion na ganun na nga ang nangyare then he rushed pabalik sakin. Pumunta na ako sa bathroom then pagsilip ko nakita ko agad sya, pagdating ng kasama ko tinignan nya agad, suddenly tumutulo na yung luha ko iyak ako ng iyak, tinawagan ko agad yung consultant ko. Nagulat din ako kasi ang aga nyang lumabas, nag ayos ako kasi puro dugo yung hita ko, inayos sya ng kasamahan ko at nilagay sya sa box after taking pictures of him. tahimik lang akong umiiyak, but with the help of my companion and sir John tumigil na din ako. Sobrang aga ng paglabas nya, while I’m sending the picture to sir Alex, tinititigan ko sya, he/she is developed, meron na syang mga kamay paa, daliri, yung ribs nya, after nun nagpahinga muna ako then 6pm we checked-out on the hotel. Nilibing namin sya at pinagdasal, pagka’ uwi ko sa bahay naiisip ko sya, nagsindi ako ng kandila at pinagdasal ko ulit sya.

The project 486 is still guiding me after the process. I know I must be strong to start again at para makabawi sa mga pagkakamali ko, at kahit kailan hinding hindi na mangyayare to. Guys, please have a RIGHT CHOICE. Please don’t think about it twice or trice but a million times. Contact the project486 guys for you to avoid on being scammed.

Sir John, Sir Alex, My deepest thanks and gratitude for helping me and for being by my side. My words are not enough to express how thankful I am despite of knowing the fact na mali itong nagawa ko. We cannot start over, but we can begin now and make a new ending.

Clara ,20,Psychology Student, Mother to Non Mon 😔