May 25, 2017

Elle, 21, working student/ service crew
Pasig City, Metro Manila, Philippines

Hi! I’m Elle, 21 years of age and never in my life I have imagined being in this kind of mess, well neither all of us would want to. But wherever we are right now, who we are and where we intended to be is a product of our own choices. Our destiny is basically being based on our decisions.

I was delayed for about a week, and I know that something isn’t right, being that person who is always being fully aware of of herself and her surroundings, but I’ve waited for a couple more days. On the 7th day, I started getting really dizzy, sleepy and always wanting to throw up, and that convinced me that I should take a test… and.. viola! It came out positive, just what I expected but the confirmation that came out with those three different brands of pt hits me hard. It shattered my soul, broke my heart and I feel that I failed as a daughter to my parents. I started to think what to do, should I go away from here and started living on my own? Tell him this and go somewhere far?, but I can’t, how about my dreams, my parent’s dreams for me? I can’t raise this child alone.

I was so selfish, and I’m sorry that I came to the point that I wanted to stop this. I started searching for natural methods, and have no success. Until I came across a blog about vitamin c and parsley, I emailed the blogger and told me more about the procedure and if all else fails she recommended me to do that plan B, medical abortion, I thought to myself ‘hell no!’. I started doing this for about three or four days but was not getting any results. And shit, I did consider plan b. I was so scared of getting scammed, at this point in my life I can’t really afford to be deceive by anyone. And so I’ve done researched but the only thing I got are reflections of women that they did helped. Being desperate, I contacted them, Sir Alex and Sir John helped me throughout the procedure, I might be physically alone doing this but they’ve been with me the whole time, updating me, reminding me about the meds making sure I’m okay.The procedure is kinda tough, especially if you are doing it alone and no one to reached out to, so I really thanked Sir Alex especially Sir John for being there with me, being patient, supportive and understanding.

And to my unborn, I am sorry if I am not ready, if am too scared, too irresponsible, coward, and selfish. Those are not even enough reason why I did it in the first place. But from here, I have learned it the hard way and have faced the consequences of my actions. Thank you project 486 for giving me a choice, for being the choice. I hope you will help more women who are in need. If only there is a better way to tell you my deepest gratitude, I will surely do.