This is my third time undergoing a medical abortion. The first time, I was coerced by a superior during my internship, leading to an unplanned pregnancy. Desperate for help, I initially sought assistance from a local manghihilot, but it was unsuccessful. Eventually, I turned to pills obtained from the internet, which worked. The second and third experiences, I will discuss in this letter. Does this make me an evil or heartless person? Some might think so based on my actions, but I believe that bringing a child into this world when I’m not fully prepared to care for them would be a greater wrong especially when I’m not in my best capacity to care for one. I made these decisions with my best interests in mind, as well as those of my family and any future children I might have.

It’s August 21, 2024, and I’ve decided to document my experience. The dates of this entry will vary. Around this time last year, I reached out to Dr. John and Sir Alex for help. My boyfriend and I were not ready for the immense responsibility of having a child together—I was about to take the board exam, and he was still in medical school. It was an incredibly difficult decision for both of us, and we endured many painful experiences before we found Project 486. We were scammed twice, losing nearly 30,000 pesos, and the medication we received was ineffective. On one occasion, I was sexually assaulted by a male nurse who claimed to be a “professional.” He violated me under the guise of an examination, leaving me feeling hopeless and broken. After that ordeal, I knew I couldn’t turn back—the pregnancy had to end. I searched relentlessly online and eventually found a TikTok video mentioning Project486.com, offering professional help.

That same night, I visited their website and read stories from other women and couples who had been helped by Project 486. I was hopeful they could assist me as well. I reached out via email, and they responded the next day. From that point on, they guided me through the procedure until it was successfully completed. It was an excruciating three days—my boyfriend lives far away, so I had to manage on my own. However, he was very supportive and constantly checked on me. Dr. John was also there every step of the way, reassuring me and providing detailed instructions on when to take the medicine, when to drink water, and how to ensure the procedure’s success. Those three days were incredibly tough, but I’m grateful I had the choice. Without it, I wouldn’t be where I am today, and my boyfriend wouldn’t be able to continue his studies. The expertise and professionalism of the Project 486 team gave me confidence that everything would be okay. Although the stress was immense, their support made it more bearable, even though it was a deeply sorrowful time for me because I had always envisioned to have a family with my partner, but life had other plans.

Ironically, here I am, a year later, reaching out to Dr. John again because I find myself in the same situation. This time, it wasn’t my boyfriend who got me pregnant but a man I had a one-night stand with after a night of drinking. Last year, I swore I’d never make this mistake again, yet here I am. I’m at the peak of my career, and this entire situation is a mistake I deeply regret, especially because I’m still with my boyfriend. If I were to have this child, it would be a constant reminder of my betrayal. After discovering I was pregnant, I confessed to my boyfriend, who, while supportive, wished I didn’t have to go through this again. But I had already made my decision.

From the moment that one-night stand happened, I knew something was wrong. Guilt consumed me, and I could tell something had changed. I meticulously tracked my period, monitored my body for changes, and watched for any symptoms. Initially, two pregnancy tests came back negative, likely because I took them before my period was due. But as of today, I’m two days late, and two more tests have confirmed my fears—I’m pregnant. In that moment, my entire life, my plans, and my future with my boyfriend flashed before my eyes. How could one night of poor judgment lead to this?
I reached out to Dr. John again. He didn’t ask how it happened, nor did he judge me. Instead, he helped me once more. Without hesitation, he guided me through the procedure, explained the timetable, outlined the necessary packages, and informed me of the available discounts. I trusted him then, and I continue to trust him now because I know they are the best at what they do. They are true professionals and the only people I can rely on in situations like this. I’m not ready to take on this responsibility, especially given the current circumstances. Perhaps in the future, when I’m emotionally, financially, and mentally prepared.

I received the parcel on August 26, 2024. The waiting period was crucial because during this time, I was filled with doubts, overthinking everything, and questioning my decision. However, I was determined to go through with the process. I was supposed to start the procedure on August 27, but due to work-related travel, I had to postpone it until August 30, 2024.

On the first day, I took my first mifepristone tablet. It required discipline, as I had to monitor my food intake and fast (no food or water) for four hours before and after taking the tablet. In terms of health, I was able to function normally; I went to work, experienced manageable cramps, and occasionally felt dizzy and nauseated—typical side effects of the medication. On the second day, I took the second mifepristone tablet, and the pain intensified along with other symptoms, but I was still able to work, drive, and function normally. On the third day, I made sure to take time off and rest because I knew what was coming.

September 1, 2024. This was the third day of my timetable and the day I administered the misoprostol tablet. In the morning, I noticed a brownish, milky discharge, so the instructions I had received were adjusted. I proceeded with the vaginal and buccal intake at 4 p.m. The period from 4:00 p.m. to midnight was crucial because I had to remain in bed and maintain the prescribed pillow position. For me, this was the most difficult part and the hardest day—it’s challenging to lie in bed, alone with your thoughts, while enduring the abdominal pain caused by the medication. It’s a battle between mental and physical health. This was usually the day I cried the most because no one dreams of getting an abortion. It’s never on a woman’s bucket list, but sometimes, due to circumstances, we have to make the decisions we believe are right at that moment.

To pass the time, I watched reels, YouTube videos, movies, and read—anything to distract myself from the situation. The pain kept me from sleeping, and I couldn’t relax or find mental peace. However, it was important to avoid excessive stress, as per Dr. J’s instructions. As the hours passed, I constantly checked my diaper to see if I had started bleeding. By 7:00 p.m., I became a little worried because there was no bleeding yet, but Dr. J assured me that it was normal and still early. Around 9:00 p.m., I finally started to bleed, which eased my worries a bit. I continued following all the instructions given to me—when to take the medicine, when to swallow it, and when to drink water. At midnight, I was able to stand up, and when I checked my diaper, I saw the POC. I immediately took photos and sent them to Dr. J for confirmation.

This entire abortion experience is incredibly significant, and it’s not a decision that one arrives at easily. It takes a great deal of courage to go through something like this. Realizations? There’s certainly a lot to reflect on from my past experiences and decisions, but I’m not the best person to offer advice. What I do know for sure is that abortion is a form of healthcare that everyone should have access to, and that we should have the right to choose the direction of our own lives. Without that choice, I would be stuck in a life I wasn’t ready for, in a situation that would impact not only me, but also my family, my career, and my future child.

I am deeply grateful to Dr. John and the team behind Project486 because they provided me with a choice that was free of judgment and scrutiny. Without their help, I don’t know where I would be today. For the women reading my story, I hope you take a moment to reflect and show yourself more compassion. It’s harder to make this choice than to continue with a pregnancy, and you will likely experience feelings of loss and emptiness in the days that follow. So, be kind to yourself—it takes a unique kind of bravery to go through this process, and it’s not for the faint of heart. I hope that Dr. J and his team continue to help more women like me. As long as Project486 exists, Filipina women will have a choice in their lives.