I set my plans in life and I already know the goals I have in my career…

…until I got pregnant.

It had been two weeks where I felt dizzy, nauseous, and uncomfortable. I didn’t know where the feeling of unease was coming from but I know back then that I was becoming lazier and easily tired which all led me to conclude that maybe I was pregnant.

One morning, I took two PTs and both were showing two lines which confirmed my suspicion. Imagine how devastating it was for me when I learned about this news for I was afraid of the things that could happen but one thing was for sure, I knew that I wanted to have an abortion.

I went to Facebook and join an Abortion Support Group since I thought that maybe I could get ideas there. The moment I joined the group, I received a message request right away from a dummy account. Someone was selling me abortion pills with the pricelist. It was a surprise to me since I had no idea with it and that was the first time I learned about the name of the pills. Of course, no matter how desperate I was, I didn’t trust that easily even if the seller told me that she has a group chat with proofs of legitimacy. Yes, I was sure to terminate the pregnancy but I still wanted it to be SAFE. That’s what matters the most.

I tried to search online for clinics which can possibly do abortion but I know it’s gonna be difficult since it is illegal here in the Philippines but upon scrolling through Google, I bumped into the name of this website — Project 486. I found it interesting that this kind of website exists and for me, it was a great help for women who are anxious, do not know what to do, and are seeking for help. The testaments in this website made me trust them and so I didn’t hesitate to send an email and just in few hours, I already received a reply. It was a relief for me and I loved how they are VERY responsive and truly care for women.

Few days later, I scheduled an ultrasound and found out that I was 6 weeks pregnant. I did email sir Alex, the handler of the site and account, the results of my check-up.

He also assigned me a consultant, sir John, whom I can say is VERY knowledgeable of this matter. We had a phone call consultation — he knows exactly what he’s saying and I learned A LOT from him about everything that involves this stage and the procedure including the abortion pills that I needed to take. Then, I realized that there’s NO WAY the online seller I first encountered was selling a SAFE or at least a legit set of abortion pills. It’s too good to be true for its amount and I thanked my instincts for not considering buying from these sellers on Facebook.

My transaction with Project 486 was very smooth. I did receive my package containing all the pills in just 2 days and everything was complete and all set.

Sir John was just waiting for me to start the procedure. I was kinda anxious at first but I found it normal to feel, right? It’s mixed emotion of fear, stress, and worry all in one but I needed gather all the courage and be brave because I know that I am greater than all these.

It made me nervous as I was about to take my first Mifepristone since I thought I would feel discomfort and such. But to my surprise, I felt normal after taking the pill so I just went to sleep. The following day, there was still no unusual feeling and I was very glad about it so I proceeded to take my second Mifepristone. Again, everything was normal for me. On the third day, the intake of Misoprostol is scheduled in the afternoon.

But things quite turned into a different path for me.

It was my third day, Saturday early morning, I got up from bed since I suddenly felt the urge to pee. I did pee and I saw my napkin was empty so I just went back to bed and tried to continue my sleep. Minutes later, I felt cramps so I thought that maybe I’ll bleed only a few since I knew it was one of the side effects. I went back to the bathroom again and surprisingly, my napkin was immediately FULL. I did really bleed a lot then. While I was sitting on the toilet bowl, I felt something came out of me. As I checked, it was a large blood clot and so I picked it up and put it on our sink to take a picture for documentation. I was standing in the bathroom where I, once again, felt another thing fell out of my vagina. It looked different like it was a ball and its color and texture were dissimilar from just a blood clot.

It was 8 o’clock in the morning, too early when I texted sir John while I was bleeding TOO MUCH. I also did send pictures of what came out of my vagina and sent them through email for them to verify and to tell me what’s happening early that morning.

I was releasing numerous very large blood clots with heavy bleeding in the bathroom which made me feel really weak because I was unprepared for it. Although I didn’t expect this to happen that early because I haven’t taken my Misoprostol yet, but maybe that’s already a good thing since I didn’t have to wait any longer. Sir John, whom I constantly contacted all throughout what’s happening to me at that moment, confirmed that I already released my POC through the pictures they received from me. It was the ball-looking kind of flesh — the second thing that came out of my body. He told me that I was one of the lucky patients who had discharges after taking the Mifepristone alone and that I didn’t need to take the Misoprostol anymore due to the continuous bleeding I was having for hours already since early morning. That is how effective the pill is and I am truly grateful up until today for Project 486 because they never failed to deliver good quality, safe, and effective products to me.

Honestly, it wasn’t very easy to experience everything that morning all by myself due to the unexpected circumstance. Thankfully, I had my partner who tried his best to calm me even if we were in long distance at the time. Also, I still felt safe amidst all these since I had my consultant, sir John, who consistently talked to me since the very first day. Yes, I didn’t even need to beg for their attention because they truly showed how they care and gave their attention by checking on me up until the post-operation.

Today, I am still recovering physically, mentally, and emotionally but I can say that I am feeling fine and much better compared before. That’s all thanks to Project 486 for keeping me well and alive by prioritizing their patients’ safety more than anything else. I am just one of the many women they helped in all the years and I am very fortunate to have completed this procedure successfully.

To the women who are reading this, you might be doubtful, scared, anxious, and stressed. At the moment, you may be confused, do not know who to trust or what to do, and I am here to tell you that it’s normal. Take your time to clear your mind but I just want you to know, I was in that exact same position where you are right now and see, I had overcome all of it. I just needed to be firm with my decision in life and everything will follow. Project 486 may help you a lot in what you are going through right now, that is for sure and it is in no doubt, but at the end of the day, you only have yourself to believe in your own capabilities that you can do this. It’s valid to feel worried and afraid of what’s about to come but you are stronger than your problem and remember that time comes where all the negativity would end. Soon, you will be back to your normal, happy self. But today and at this very moment, you need to take the step and trust the process.