Stability is a foreign aspect fully engraved to me since childhood. My family was never perfect, I often witness rage and war playing like a movie in our abode. My parents are the embodiment of those individuals that shouldn’t carry a life into this world. My mom is narcissistic and my dad’s i dont know. He was there and near yet we can’t even rely on him. Living with my mom was a nightmare and a place I loathe to come back.
Growing up I babysat my 5 younger brothers and sisters. I am the second and eldest daughter. Until I was able to live off without the sight of mom -a relief and freedom you might say. Started college and finished it without them help. I got my first job right after I graduated. Then, immediately supports my brothers and sisters. They’re all I care about in this world. I want them to feel that they’re not alone, there I stand as a role of a parent.
As for the relationship with me and my partner, we share the same values and beliefs. We also decided to live together chid-free. We’re also both pro choice, but I never could’ve imagined to put myself in this situation. We were so confident, sharing love without protection. I also though that “his” is not active for some reason.
A week passed since my missed period, that’s when I took the PT. In no doubt, Im not shocked to get positive. We were so reckless, wild, out of control, and confident. I then, emailed project486, I’ve known this platform for quite some time since my friends opt to contact them when things get haywire. For all of them, I am the first to undergo this.
Speaking with professionalism and confidentiality, you could rest your worries with project486. As soon as I emailed them, they replied withing the day. Talked to Doc Jj with that same day. You know you’re in good hands when the speaker speaks details, information, as well as no judgement whatsoever. Not just focusing on objective but yours as well.
Waiting a week for the meds to arrive, it made me more anxious day by day. Such a relief when it’s time for pick-up. After the pick-up, I immediately start. My 1st and 2nd day were just normal. Feeling nauseous, tired, and headache, a normal symptoms of someone who is pregnant. So here comes DAY 3, I started 4pm and took all of my meds. After a few hours, I felt this soul crushing pain that it icks every fibre of my skin. I really have a low pain tolerance when it comes to cramps. I usually have the worst cramps during mens but this one was tripled plus the uncomfortable position im in (pillow maneuver). I just burried my fingers on my partner as I endured every pain. I was so worried, I asked doc and he said it was good sign. Almost 10pm, blood started to gush from my V, you can really tell that that was a good amounts of blood. That kept on until 12midnight.
Moment of relief and guilt, that was me. As 12mdn ticked, I immediately began walking my way through the CR. I peed, and there —POC of a 4-5week. I was trembling and crying as I washed the blood away and kept the solid like POC. I sat there, while the floor is dripping in blood, kept telling myself how brave and proud I am. At the back of my head, guilt was lingering and all I could do was to accept that things happened, mistakes happened and all you have to do is to resolve it. Face the consequences, never repeat it, and learn from it.
I really hope that this is my last goodbye project486. As much as I am grateful to you, I hope we dont meet again. I would also like to extend my sincere gratitude to Doc Jj, for the unwavering commitment and support to help women like me who are struggling.
Im in my day 1 of healing, still bleeding and the cramps. Anyhow, as soon as I got my first mens, I will visit my OB and get my pills.
Again, thank you so much project486. May you have more women to help and more power to your team. Stay safe always.
-Lorna