October 31, 2017
M.C., 20, Taguig City, Metro Manila, Philippines
Fear, guilt, anger, and incomparable sadness. I felt all of these the moment my partner and I discovered that I was pregnant and decided to have an abortion. I never imagine myself in this position kasi all my life, God knows na alam kong mali at malaking kasalanan yung gagawin namin. Pero there will come a point in your life pala na in just a blink of an eye, makakaya mong gumawa ng mga bagay na exact opposite ng kung ano mang belief o perspective mo, tama man o mali.
The day we knew about my pregnancy, we immediately searched for the home alternatives (herbal) that may cause miscarriage. I got to know about the combination of Vitamin C, Dong Quai, and Parsley tea from the mail of someone who also introduced me to know about Project 486. We did everything we can for the hope of our success through herbal method since I was so scared of the fact that if the herbal won’t work, I have to consider the Plan B which is to have the medical abortion. I feared the concept of medical abortion because I’m scared of the process considering the chemicals that I thought would have a permanent effect in my body system. Expectedly, the herbal didn’t work so we’re down to our last hope, the medical abortion through Project 486.
The day after I stopped the herbal method, I emailed Project 486 and just within the same day, they already responded to my message, and so everything began and happened faster than how long I thought it would be.
My fears for what will happen never leave me but I know that this is not the situation to keep on minding those for I shall be brave and strong enough to pass through this. Thankful enough, Project 486, most importantly Sir John, made me feel safe and hopeful on everything that is about to happen.
Day 1 and Day 2 of the procedure, I felt nothing except for extreme hunger resulting to me becoming weak. There’s so much struggle in fasting and the diet because I’m home and my mom is not used to me skipping meals. I told her every alibis that I could think of just to not damage the on going procedure and thankfully, I survived those two days without any suspicious questions from my family huhu. Then Day 3 came, the major day of the procedure. I was with my bf the whole day and we’re far from home. We started the process and I am so thankful that it is not the level of pain I thought I would feel. It was bearable just like when I’m having my period. When the time came that I had to get up to check for the result, there it is, we saw the POC and I thought to myself, what kind of person am I right now? Thus, that day is the most miserable day yet the second chance to make ourselves better and to live our lives accdng. to how we plan.
I could never think of any way to make myself feel better for what we did because my heart will forever ache for the pain it brings me in making that choice. Even if our parents don’t have a single hint of what we did, I know in myself that I disapppointed them, I disappointed myself, and most of all, I disappointed Him. My heart and soul will forever be sorry for what I’ve done.
To Sir John, Sir Alex, and to the whole organization of Project 486, thank you for everything. Thank you for helping women like me to have a second chance in life. You guys made it possible for me to overcome this and I’m forever grateful to all of you. Your professionalism, your goal for nothing but to help us, your care, your heartwarming consideration, and your extreme patience for every little thing I ask, are the things that were priceless and am grateful for those. Glad that I never hesitated to put my whole trust on Project 486 the moment we started the whole process.
To the women who experienced/will experience the same situation, let’s promise to be better, to learn from our mistakes, and to never let the situation makes us decide like this, again. Ayusin natin lahat at ‘wag sayangin yung pagkakataon para matuloy kung ano man yung plano natin sa buhay.
Finally, to our angel who wasn’t able to witness the life that we’ve taken away, my life won’t be the same again for what I’ve done to you. You’ll always be in our hearts and prayers. I wish my reasons were enough to justify what we did but I know that it’s not. It will never ever be enough. Sorry for being the person that I am right now, pero sana sa tamang panahon bumalik ka and by that time, I swear to everything, we’ll be the best version of what we are today to deserve a blessing like you. I’m sorry. Words will never be enough.
M.C, 20, Taguig City, Metro Manila, Philippines